Please, do tell me something I don't know. I always enjoy being pleasantly surprised, and I'm sure you could do just that if you tried.

Thank you for that sentiment, that you will be glad while I'm here. I know the sincerity of these words from you and from many others.

Time being "fluid", yes. It's not so much the disproportionate way you might think, pertaining to seconds and hours, but it does move along like that, flowing and in some inexplicable way, meaningless but no less precious.

Some seem to have gathered from my words that I am overly worried about the imminent future. I'm not, really, for I believe as I've seen in the past, that things will come around as they're meant to do. It's just that I see the suffering and the disruption it will cause in so many ways, as war in particular always has and will, and I find it all rather... pointless. Everyone knows I've caused my own share of tumult in the years that I've been around, and in some ways I suppose, had my own mini-wars, or so it has been interpreted and portrayed, and maybe it too was pointless, but of course, I can't see it that way. Either way, what I meant to say was not that I'm so much troubled over the actual event, but more that I *can* sit and observe it more objectively than most, and that it somehow does sadden me, but that is not the sum of all of my emotions just now, and as I've said, I can't truthfully begin to describe them all.

A rich temper tantrum, do you think? I know more than a little about that topic. Petty matters sparking fights? (Even though they seem so not-petty at the time, don't they?) Hm. Now that I think about it, that has been a good reason for me in the past to move to some tirade or another against someone, so perhaps you're right, but I think it goes beyond that if we really think about it seriously.

"The eyes that have seen so much witnessing the end of a demanding era"

Yes, I suppose it is that on some level, but it's just the seeing of so much that matters, and not how the event ends. It's all just a part of the picture show.

So I cheat and lump you all together when I answer. Will you ladies forgive me or must I bat my lashes your way and plead with a cool breath on each of your necks? I'm here, and I love that you each leave little greetings for me to read when I come in from my wanderings.

Well I trust that things are well with you, my friend with convictions plenty. The waiting and long nights are sometimes worth it, aren't they?

I don't often watch television. You know between being what I am, and doing what I do, and this place here, I really don't have the pattern now of sitting to view anything with regularity if I ever did. Now and then I will watch news programs, though those are so over sensationalized that I wonder how anyone can believe them. Once in a while I will watch something solely for brainless laughter, like Saturday Night Live or Mad TV.

( You know, "Shelly? Come on Shelly!) Ha. That was funny the night in the chat room when a girl named Shelly came in and I was doing that and she didn't know why. )

Yes, it's true, you have mentioned that very word more than a few times haven't you? What more is a veil than a filmy covering that attempts to obscure something more material. Is that what we have between us, all of us? I don't know, but if I am indeed walking along a new philosophical or metaphysical road, then I hope I can find whatever is on the other side of the mirror, the veil, or whatever invisible hand pulls me along, even as I hold with my fingertips to all of you here in this world.

You ask: Does life come easy (to me) or does it come with tears and pain?

What do you think, petit? There are things that come so easily in this existence that it can only be called amusing when you think about it. Of course you have to know that I've seen my share of moments when I felt pain so intense I wanted only to be rid of this life. Those feelings aren't so different from any you might experience - Just magnify them by a thousand and there's your answer. (Now on to the longer message from you that I can't hardly interpret...)

You're welcome, if that is the appropriate response from me to your words. I haven't existed this many years only to put meaning into various people's lives through words I've written and deeds I've done, but if I have, then is that not a good benefit? If it has caused you or anyone to be a better person, then good for you, and too, good for me in some way, isn't it? Haven't I then succeeded in achieving my goodness? Might I pass on a Saint instead of a Sublime Sinner?

We all have those dark sides, Sylvie, and those turbulent emotions. It is important to not let them overwhelm you. It was this very thing that Gabrielle spoke of to me the other night, as she was concerned for this new frame of mind I seem to have. What I can tell you dear girl, is not too put too much faith in any one thing - including and especially - me - . I may be all these things you describe, Cherie, but then again, I may be none of them. In your words I see what so often has repeated itself in the time I've been tending to online places like this, you forget just what I am. You forget cruelty, which is a favorite game of mine. Don't tempt me to play it, just to wake you up. Remember yourself, and don't put so much onto me. I'm only who I am, and always will be. I'm not the one to give you all the answers you seek.

Ah now you.. it is with a short smile and a wink that I extend a hello, or is that a 'nice to see you again', maybe? Such a charmer as so many to use my own words in your closing line, and that picture. I have to imagine that it, dear boy, resembles you most accurately. Should you be fearful? I don't know, you tell me. We fear what we hate, and what we hate is a mirror of ourselves, so do we fear ourselves in others? Listen to me, going on so when we've only just made our introductions. I will see more of you Tino, and you can reach the determination of how you should or shouldn't feel, if I don't knock you off balance, which I'm known to do, but then, that alone can lead to such interesting nights.

If it's any help at all, I do like Journey, and I'm sure I could carry off anything I put my mind to sing. Do you suggest one of those female grabbing power ballads? If I remember correctly, one of my favorites is titled "Why can't this night go on forever?" Which is somehow a little ironic, I know, but nonetheless, the meaning is quite nice and it is one I've shared with someone close. Now that I think about it, I like many of their songs.

I know.. I know. So many of you have every right to be frightened. I wish there was something I could say to ease the anxious feelings, but like you in that regard, I'm most ineffective, for what will happen, will happen and I think it is important to think, as you are, about the reasons you fear such things, and what is important in your world. That alone might be enough to ease your heart, and in the end, isn't such a bad thing to do at any given time in life.

You forgive me then for waxing into something long and florid? I do try to please, you know, or satisfy, which you now say I've succeeded in doing.

Maybe it isn't a bad thing to be too concerned with the little things, how you claim to be. If there were no such people in the world, it might be a very chaotic place indeed. I've lately just been looking up, more so than usual, and seeing all that which is calling to me, upward and around. I don't know that I will be able to give you glimpses or send post cards from along a road I haven't walked very often if ever in the way I feel it now beneath my feet, but if you can call my last soliloquy such, then yes, there will be more. If they can aid anyone, mainly myself, in seeing new perceptions, or lead to some place that is what I feel it to be, this unseen calling, then yes, I will relate it the best I'm able.

Was it off the wall? -laughs- Pardon me then, if that is true. Off the wall and yet deep, hm? I guess you could say that summarizes me quite well in many moments. You say that I will always be alone? You're wrong dear girl. I will have you, and all mortals with me in spirit I think. Anyone who has ever laughed at some bit of charm, or raised their eyebrows at an action or written passage. Yes, you all are a connection to flesh, that much is true, but given that I have a whole world of mortals at my disposal, what are you few here? This is what you ask, what is your significance? The rest of the world doesn't come to me, seeking my response. There are times I demand the world listen to me, and it has done so with mixed results, hasn't it? Will I remember all of you? Perhaps not by name or designation, non, but I will remember and think fondly of the fact that I was here for a considerable time, that I made the choice to be here for that matter, and that in the time I was here I managed to have some worthwhile conversation and laughter, some intimacy, and some friendship, however remote. These things will make me smile, and remember you all as a whole, though as with anything worth remembering at all, there are those parts of the whole which stand out the most - I'll leave it at that.

I laugh a little at your proclamation that a little intoxication allows for honesty. Darling how well I know that fact from lost nights when Nicolas and I would attempt to drink away the whole season of wine in one sitting. Such conversations can be had, I know.

I know you all love me. Anything I leave here isn't a childish attempt to retrieve such songs of praise from anyone, though some might say that it is just that. Ah but let people think what they will, non?

It interests me when you say a "stand in in your absence". Would you care to elaborate on that? Why would you give up anything or anyone for me? Do you think I want that? I don't. I think it is ridiculous to even hear of such a thing! You see, as much as my ego is infamous, a part of all this I'm seeing now demands that I say to you or to anyone to stop such blind worship. THAT... -sighs- That is part of the greater truth, and I demand that it not be practiced. Deliverance of pain I can do, as much as certainly I can assuage it. Please, don't ... I don't know, what I mean to say, but don't make me so important as you indicate with these words, don't let me hear such desperation. I cannot abide it now.

A "contributory" amount is more than likely as many as you have already made by now. Mail me and I will give you the password, and then perhaps we can continue the conversation, drunken or otherwise, in another setting.

I don't mean to make you anxious. That's not my intention with the things I speak here, and I guess, true to my selfishness, I didn't think of that beforehand. Actually, the opposite, if anything, is what I'd hope to instill. I might be flattered to think that my leaving or the whisper of such in what words I leave behind, but I do not find glory in it. I meant what I said about holding hands, for that is what I feel like I am to do.

You've rediscovered a love for me have you? Well then welcome back dear Jez, to the madness that can ensue from holding me close and yearning to walk beside me in understanding. I'm sure that sounds vain, but I don't intend it to be. Welcome back to me warmly then Jez. I hope I don't disappoint you, but then, if I'm loved, I'm loved through my failings and my outrageousness, aren't I?

Yes, dear boy, rest alongside, and listen to what I might have to say. I can see how you in particular would enjoy that like some blanket or comfort, and I will not mind at all providing it if that is what you take from anything I leave behind.

I'm sorry to hear that for whatever reasons, you don't find coming here worthwhile, but then again, offline demands and interests can be much more interesting than what is found here, I know.

You're right about the role of Saviour. At times, it is very difficult and I'm sure if you read back over some of what I've written in this set of replies, you can see how my attitude toward it comes through on the matter. It aggravates me, because there are such truths to be had that are so intrinsic, so simple, that to look for ME to explain or flesh them out is something I cannot bear at times.

I understand what you're saying about living your life in fear, and how that wouldn't be a desirable state of being. In this set of replies I've also hopefully given some clarification on just what I meant with the mention of war and such. Then too, you must allow me at least a bit of regret for yesteryear and a bit of dread for the future when I have so much of both to think over.

Will you continue to post to me Lynn? Am I worth it enough that you will come and leave words for me? Don't think me insincere if I say I hope you will do just that.

Yes, my words about the Columbia disaster were intended to be kind, and I'm pleased that you took them to heart as such.

I can't imagine what conditions and state of mind must be present in your country just now. I should think it to be like some monster, just offshore or around the corner, lurking and waiting, and yet you seem rather calm about the possibilities of it all. -smiles- Maybe that is just a complex I have of myself, the bad monster about to pounce, who knows.

On the one hand, I understand completely, your desire to be out in the middle of the field, swords raised and yelling with a rebellious cry for anyone who dares to come on and try it! Yes, that would probably be my course of action!! Yet then I am reminded of the line "He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day." So that's the other side of the coin, is it not?

Whatever happens, my friend, I think of you in these times and wish for your safety. Choose wisely, and think of others around you. You are so young, and life can be good and long.

Well, yet another post where I can't decide if it is love, or hate, or both in the same breath, and you my dear always seem to have a hint of sarcasm on your breath, but I think I'll chose to see admiration in your post, if only to keep up with what I'm sure you see as my insatiable egotism. To be compared with the likes of Doctor Lector after all, I mean, what else am I left to do?

You say I fear that you'll love me? What would make you say such a thing? Don't you know I want that love, pure and deep like the waters of a warm, dark ocean which can and does carry me on and on and on? You're right, I drink it up and ask for more, relentlessly, but I'm a particular connoisseur of course. I don't tolerate idol worship and sycophantic behavior if I smell it blatantly above true respect and interest, above love indefinable and real. No, I'm horribly discriminating, but then, all good madmen and sadists are, aren't they? -laughs- The question is, am I either of those, or both, or none of the above?