Much enjoyment to be found in the darkness isn't there. You say that you are traveling along the Devil's Road? Be glad you haven't encountered the many diversions I have. So many think they are like me, walking such a road but I tell you there is nothing in this world that can compare to the things I've seen and felt. This body, with its senses, is something of a blessing and a curse at times. Believe me when I say that you, or anyone else is both justified, and foolish to wish for it. Yet wish for it is what people do, in varying degrees. There is of course no way to experience it naturally, though I often wonder if there are people who come to know it through, shall we say, artificial means? Even then, it isn't true, or is it. This is something I discuss at odd times with David, but then look how I've gotten so off your topic here! Forgive me? My mind wanders so easily at times when I think earnestly on my existence, and what it is like. The relevance to other things becomes something of an intricate web, and I wind up far a field from where I originally began speaking. Such a good thing I enjoy listening to myself, for on those occasions often I look up and my audience has left the room. You will stay awhile, and entertain my ramblings, won't you?

A toned down version of myself ? That would never last you know. I couldn't survive long with someone was too much like me. Why? I don't know how to say it, other than to say that I would be adamant that it was only me who was being noticed. Does that make sense? Then the other person, being like me, would demand the same thing, and I'd have to put a stop to it, once and for all. Now, not easy to live with, that I can abide. Many of my companions in the night are not easy to live with in their own varied degrees, as you might know. I mean, can you imagine me, for instance, me living with Armand? Hardly. We would kill one another, or ourselves at least trying to think of ways to lovingly infuriate each other. What a picture that paints! Draw that sometime my artist! More importantly, I wait for the one depicting me in the rain. I want to see what your own emotion puts into that one. You will show me soon, promise?

I had written in my now deleted post, that since if I came alone, Louis would be here alone, that perhaps soon he and I could both come to New York. Soon enough the heat here will be oppressive, and well you know from your times here, that leads to less than favorable drinking conditions. Personally, I'm ripe for the hard streets of New York, where on there are plenty of dark alleys and shadow-filled corners! Before I go on a binge, you and I we'll walk, and talk of things, won't we? Perhaps we could take in some Opera, or go to one of the theatres. Louis would be well pleased with that, and I have to say, I would enjoy it as well. As for those other things my Dora, well you know that I understand your longing, as much as you understand my limited capacity to satisfy it. For you, I will do as much as I can to satisfy such craving, for I hate the feeling I endure when my own go untended.

Darling! Do you know what a riot there would be in this household if I were to be sitting here some evening in front of my machine with one of those little cameras on my bare chest? Oh, now, I don't know quite whether to laugh as I picture the look I would get. I can say this much. If Louis sees your words here, I know already he will say, "Must you encourage him???!" Ha! I need no encouragement. I'm perfectly content not to show you my body parts. It's much more fun to show them to him.

See that post for Fantine.

Well I wasn't really implying that in total you have what could be called a Lestatian mindset. That is such a broadly definable thing, that I don't know if you or anyone is prepared to have it. I know surely that even though I was an impossibly strong-willed mortal boy, and as Gabrielle said, railed against everything, if anyone had told me of the man I would be now, I wouldn't have thought myself capable of it. So, in that the words of your signature picture remind me of my own designs, they're not the sum and whole of the matter. Such things though you might discuss some evening with David. Often it is he who I turn to for matters of psychoanalysis and rhetorical debate. In fact, this having sparked my longing for such a thing, I think I will go and look him up tonight.

That reminds me of how I might sign my letters. Such words, dark passion, how it can mean so many things. The sound of Nicki's violin, the first time he played for me, the look in someone's eye when they know the richness of death is upon them, the look of a lover's face, filled with the knowledge of intimacy. Such things make me hunger.

Now, as far as hosting images, I don't believe Minuo does that, but then you would have to ask Dennis. He is the technician of the bunch, or Louis perhaps. Me? I'm content to let them deal with such things while I think once again of those looks I mentioned.

Your questions find me at a time when I could easily say I regret one thing or another, or would do this or that differently. Must I choose only one thing? I think I might have gone to Nicolas right away. I might not have showered him with gifts and tried to lie about where I was or what had happened to me. If I knew, that he could have been with me in those first nights, in the drunken state I was in, sharing in the dizzy delight of such new power, I would have made him immediately, and he and I would have taken Paris by storm I think. Ah, but I couldn't have known how he'd react, could I? Still, I shouldn't have been such a coward, even if it was done for his sake. I could have convinced him to join me in such a life then. For not doing so, do I regret it? Maybe, but then, who's to say.

If I had taken this turn, or omitted that action, would I be what and who I am this very night? Doubtful I tell you. I know for instance, if I had stayed in France with my mother instead of going into Paris with Nicki as she insisted, the one who made me would never have chosen me. And so, all this time later, I sit telling you that this is where my North Wind has taken me, to where I am who I am, with my beloveds, and for now, that is enough.

Mission Impossible, yes. Well it seems I've been on a few of those myself, albeit without the fancy explosions and stunt scenes. I can say though that they were far more thrilling for the moment, in their reality. Strange though, to sit now and think of things, you know at times it seems like it never happened, it was so grand and far-fetched, but at the time, it was just my life.

Tell your mom to read them again. It warms me to think of such parent-child bonding over the lines and words found there. I think that such things should be shown on those gushy perfect parent commercials, or better yet, on PSA's! "Share the Darkness with your child tonight. I will change their lives forever." Ha! Well so I'm no candidate for addressing the moral majority. Like I ever thought I was, or like I care!

What is it you mean by real conversations? You see these are more than love letters to me. They'd better be, because I ignore such fluff, and most of these people know it. I abhor drivel. They ask or comment and I respond. For all I know that is definable as conversation. True it isn't real-time as they say, in that we leave these posts, but then that is what chat is for I think. Perhaps sometimes you will see me there as well. I have to ask why you highlighted my name. Is there some tongue-in-cheek thing there that I'm missing?

I've missed seeing your posts you know. Impersonal as these machines may be , they do offer a certain level of privacy to the others, and myself whether mortal or not. You do realize that if suddenly I said, yes, I will go visit everyone in person that several things would occur. Louis, first of all as strong as he is would likely die just from those words. In addition, I would be putting myself in jeopardy, which I don't intend to do. I would have not much of a life, outside of my "appearances", and I've come to value my freedom immensely. I'm afraid then that it's this impersonal medium, or nothing of me at all. I don't intend to bully you away with these words, I am merely saying my thoughts. So will I speak with you again? I can hope to and in the meantime accept the token of your fragrant gift with all of its intended affections. Carnations you know are a very under appreciated bloom. Bring me more, won't you?